Ouch

I recently submitted applications to law schools and one of my friends had a sister who went to one of the schools I applied to. Apparently, not all of the men there are aware of the whole "men and women being created equal" thing. One particularly lovely young man told my friend's sister that by her being there "she was taking a man's place." Fortunately, most of the men aren't like that hopefully I won't run into any of those. But if I do, I will just smile sweetly and say, "Darn right I did. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a sandwich for someone who actually appreciates an intelligent woman."
When I told another friend about this story, he suggested that I just date the guy. I looked at him confused and he clarified: "I've seen what you do to the guys you date. He would deserve it."

Sorry siblings

When I was in 7th grade, my math teacher's name was Mrs. Haddix. She was a fine enough teacher but her one vice was that she was obsessed, literally obsessed, with Alaska. She had lived there for a few years and was suddenly the resident expert on Alaska. Every day, she would somehow incorporate something about Alaska into the lesson. When we were learning about the volume of cylinders, she went into a lengthy discussion of the containers that they used in Alaska to collect the rain from the roof because they didn't have enough water otherwise. In fact, things were so bad they only showered for a few minutes and never took a bath. And the saying in their house in regards to the toilet was 'If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" and so and and so forth through out the entire class. Whenever my friends and I would get bored we would count how many times she said the word Alaska. I remember the record being well over 100.

Flash forward three years.. I'm in my sophomore speech class. Our first speech of the semester was supposed to be on our pet peeves. I decided to write mine on teachers who had annoying habits. I talked about three or four teachers including Mrs. Haddix (I don't remember exactly who else I talked about or why but I think one of them was teachers who were pregnant. I just remember saying something about how if you are in high school you just shouldn't be pregnant, whether you are a teacher or a student.) I went into a lengthy discussion of Mrs. Haddix fetish with Alaska and all the stories that she would tell and how unrelated to math most of them were.

Throughout my speech, my teacher was laughing almost uncontrollably. I couldn't understand, I mean, I am funny but not that funny. In fact, I didn't even think this speech was that good at all since I had written it the night before. I finished my speech and looked up. Most of the students looked mildly entertained, my teacher was wiping away tears and surprisingly, a few students looked horrified. Confused, I began to sit down just as my teacher said, "You know Mrs. Haddix is my mom, right?" Apparently it was common knowledge that someone had forgotten to tell me.

The good news for me was my teacher hated Alaska as much as we did.

The bad news for my younger siblings is they all had Mrs. Haddix.

Sunday School

I recently got surgery on my nose (deviated septum + two extra sinuses... ouch) and so I have a nice, white bandage stretched across my face.

Today in church a bunch of us who were home from college were ditching Sunday School to catch up (not condoning, just reporting) and a member of the Bishopric came up and asked us why weren't in Sunday School. One of my friends turned to him and said, "We are in Sunday School. This is our class." The Bishopric member asked, "and where is your teacher?" another girl replied, "You can be our teacher." The Bishopric member looked at me and said, "Ok, let me tell you about the horrors of cocaine. And what it can do to your nose."

Cheeky

One time in my pre-calc class in high school we had a substitute teacher who was incredibly pompous. He wasn't even teaching us, he just kept talking while we were trying to do our assignment and explaining how he had taken as much math as possible and the only people that took more math than him were the ones that were just theorizing about math. He was going off about how math is so fascinating because with each new level you learn that you can actually do something that your previous teachers had always told you that you couldn't do. For instance when you are learning how to do subtraction and your teacher always said that you can't subtract a larger number from a smaller number. But then later you find out that you actually can subtract larger numbers from smaller numbers. Or how when you first learn square roots, you are taught that you can't take the square root of a negative number and later on come to find out you actually can. However, our substitute told us, no matter what level you get to, you will never be able to divide by zero.

I turned to him and said, "Maybe you just haven't got to that level yet."

Riddle me this

I love riddles. They are frustrating beyond belief but the feeling once you finally get the answer is surreal. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my same enthusiasm. I recently heard a really good one that I thought was quite clever. Me, being the ENFJ that I am, immediately told all my friends it. Turns out telling a riddle to someone who not only doesn't care but hates riddles is more frustrating than not even getting them. Here is how the experience went down.

Me: Ok, so there is an Island with 100 people who all think and act completely logically but none of them can communicate with each other in anyway. The King of the Island, however, can talk and has decided that everyone with blue eyes needs to leave the island. So as soon as anyone figures out they have blue eyes they need to get on the boat and leave. The boat leaves once a day every day. There is at least one person who has blue eyes and everyone knows that. They will not leave until they are absolutely sure they have blue eyes. So the question is, if there are 50 people with blue eyes, how many days does it take to for them to discover they have blue eyes and leave?

Friend 1: that's easy. The King just tells them they have blues and they leave. BAM. Got it.

Me: No, the King just told them about the law and then left them alone. They have to figure it out for themselves.

Friend 2: Oh, well then everyone else just tells everyone who has blue eyes that they have blue eyes and then they leave.

Me: No! They can't talk to each other.

Friend 1: That's stupid. Why can't they talk to each other?

Me: Because it's part of the riddle! They just can't. Ok, look at it this way, if you and me were the only two people with blue eyes how would we both know to get on the boat?

Friend 2: Oh that's easy. I would just walk on to the boat and you would follow me because you are in love with me.

Oh, ridiculous.

That explains it

Me: today a girl in class said the only reason that boys are generally bigger than girls is because of social constructs. 

Friend: oh, so that must be why women have babies.

Me: ya, men probably got sick of doing it and threw childbearing in with the rest of the "oppress women" package. 

Sisterly Advice

My sister and I are four years apart and were never really that close growing up. In fact, we pretty much fought for the first 19 years of my life. I knew we were breaking ground when one day she asked me how to kiss a boy.

I told her, "You lean in really slow, close your eyes, open your mouth real wide and stick out your tongue and wiggle it back and forth like this."

I probably ruined what could have been a very tender moment.

Wouldn't you?

I spent most of last summer sitting by the side of a small, jelly-bean shaped pool in Utah with my best friend. One day we showed up and there was a bright red, child-sized kayak sitting on the edge of the pool. It was probably meant for a five year old. So of course my friend picks it up, climbs in and paddles around the entire length of the 20 ft. pool, singing, "I look once more. Just around the riverbend! Beyond the shore....."

She knew the whole song.

Problem Solving

A friend came to me with a problem. My problem solving skills aren't as good as his.

Me: No don't worry about it. Unless all the girls you know fall in love with you. Then you have a lot more than that to worry about.

Friend: Yeah, it's not high on my list of things to worry about

Me: Don't sell yourself so short, you ladies man you.

Friend: It comes in on the list right after, "what do i do if i come home and there's a zebra in my room?"
This is a valid concern
There is a finite probability of this occurring.

Me: So what are you going to do if there is a zebra in your room?

Friend: Gently close the door and walk away.
Which will be what i do if lots of girls fall in love with me
It happens to be the solution to many of my problems.

Conversation with a 7 yr old

7 yr old (staring at a group of high school girls standing near the park, looking perplexed.): Are all high school girls like that?

Me: like what?

7 yr old: You know, like blahblahblahblahblah... like they are dumb or something.

Burrito Fail

I am rather fond of Chipotle. It is not my absolute favorite but it is pretty tasty as far as non-Mexican Mexican food goes. A bunch of us went there the other day and I was pretty excited about it. I ordered my usual, a carnitas burrito with mild salsa (basically just tomatoes and cilantro), rice, sour cream, cheese, corn and lettuce. Delicious. They put my foil wrapped burrito in a basket and slid it next to the register. I picked it up and joined my friends at the table. I unwrapped my burrito and took a bite. It was good - but a little hotter than I remembered. But I did bite right into the peppers and onions so that was probably why. As I continued eating, my mouth started burning more and more. This buritto was wicked hot. Why my friend kept putting Tobasco sauce on his burrito was beyond me. I searched for a pocket of beans to take a break from the firy infirno that was raging but I couldn't find any. With just a few bites left, I just couldn't finish it. Everything from my mouth to my stomach was scorched. I set it down and looked over at my friend. His burrito looked delicious and the corn looked fantastic. Confused, I looked down at the remants of my burrito. There wasn't any corn to be found. Gasping, I realized what had happened. I turned to my friend and said, "Wait, did they switch our burritos?" He looked down at the burrito in his hand and said, "That would make sense. I was wondering why this had so much stuff in it. Umm... well it was a really good burrito." I wanted to cry but that was just because the fire had finally reached my tear ducts.

Thanks Chipotle.

Sheep Talk

Friend1: You have to download Robot Unicorn!

Me: I was going to but it cost money. I'm going to stick with free games for now. In fact, I found a really fun and frustrating one called Round 'Em where you have a bunch of sheep that are wandering around and you have to try and get them all in the pen. It is so hard though! They keep escaping and you are like 'What the heck! I just got you in there! Can't you stay in there for more than five seconds?!'"

Friend2: Now you know how Jesus feels.

Touché.

Saturday's Warriors

It was a dark and stormy day. Literally. We were trapped inside the Brookline house during one of the craziest snow storms I have ever experienced. There were an odd assortment of people over as we were all waiting for flights slash hiding from the storm. We had been inside all day and gone through almost all of the movies the boys owned. We soon resorted to taking pictures of ourselves on Omar's Mac. While messing with the various settings, we were particularly entertained by the "comic" feature. Then we discovered, that the pictures looked particularly cool when we were punching/hitting/abusing each other. We spent the next little while taking a series of action pictures and experimenting with the camera and the different ways of physically abusing each other. Then we thought, Wouldn't this make a great comic? Why yes! Yes it would. So we downloaded a program that creates comics and made a story to go with our pictures. This is what resulted. Enjoy.

This is my blog. Say hello.

This is the most recent map of those who have read my blog. I thought it was pretty exciting. 

Loren, if you did this I am going to be so sad.

Lost iPod

A few days ago, I lost my iPod. Sad as I was, there were a few reasons that I was less sad. First, I got the iPod for free. A few years ago, KeyBank was doing a promotion where, if you signed up for a free college checking account, along with a few other miner things, then you got a free iPod. My mom specifically called me to tell me about this and so I ran over and signed up. I had to wait a few months to get my iPod but sure enough, it came. It was one of the new nanos (the good ones with the huge screens and the capacity to watch videos.) I really did love that iPod. As soon I got the iPod, I went back to KeyBank, withdrew all my money and closed my account. So though it was a bummer that I lost it, at least I wasn't out $300. What also made me feel better is imagining that it was found by some poor kid who is going to school on a million scholarships that he slaved away for years to earn and then had to apply for financial aid in order to finish paying it off and has never even dreamed of owning any kind of electronic device let alone an iPod. And the look on his imaginary face brings me so much joy that being sad about my missing iPod isn't even a possibility. Plus now I can finally get an iPod Touch.

An e-mail I wrote once.

4/26/2010

Dear Gina,
You just texted me. And I thought, Gina is so great. Then I thought, I should tell her that. Then I thought, that might make for a weird text. But then I thought, ooo I like emails, I should send her an email. So then I logged on to see if you were online (because I thought that would be a little weird to send you an email telling you that you are great while you are online). And then I saw that you weren't online. So then I started a new email. And then I typed "Dear Gina,
You just texted me. And I thought, Gina is so great. Then I thought, I should tell her that. Then I thought, that might make for a weird text. But then I thought, ooo I like emails, I should send her in an email. So then I logged on to see if you were online (because I thought that would be a little weird to send you an email telling you that you are great while you are online). And then I saw that you weren't online. So then I started a new email. And then I typed" and now I am going to finish my paper.

Have a great day! See you tonight!

Loves hugs and other cutesy nonsense,

Maryn

Don't Let Them Pick Up That Pile

I have a new found love for card games, namely Nertz, Canasta and Hearts. The other day we were playing an intense game of Canasta and after the first round, my partner and I were killing the other team. Halfway through the next round, I realized I could see the other team's cards in a mirror that was behind her. I started texting my partner everything she had so he wouldn't lay it down and let her pick up the pile. It was working fairly well until he laid down a five, which I just told him not to do. I couldn't believe it. The pile was huge and there was no way we could have recovered from that. I gave him a dirty look and gestured towards my phone. He looked at his phone and looked at me like "What?" I checked my phone and I had a text from another friend.. not my partner... that said "What? Are you cheating at poker?" My bad.

By Special Request

This one is for you Michelle...

During my senior year, my two best friends and I decided to take a road trip down to St. George, UT. We loaded up the car, stock piled on snacks, bought matching water bottles and headed on our way. It was much like any other road trip, with lots of music, road games and attempts to get my old car to break 100 mph without killing it. The highlight of the drive down was when we stopped in Provo and got a Dr. Pepper. Turns out none of us had drank caffeine in months and it showed. 

We stayed with a really good family friend who wanted to go on a big group date while we were down there and so he started looking for guys to take us out. He was going to take one of my friends and found another guy to take my other friend. But after calling everyone in his phone, he could not find a date for me. He was getting desperate and the time of the date was fast approaching. Finally, hours before we were supposed to go out, one of his friends called back and said he could do it. Considering the lengths he went to find him, I was pretty skeptical about the physical quality of my date and hoped he would at least be fun.

The first guy showed up and he was pretty cute. He seemed to hit it off fairly well with my friend and I was getting more and more anxious about what my date was going to be like. The doorbell rang and I shifted nervously in my seat. My friend went to open the door and in walked the most attractive guy I had ever seen. He was tall and thin with broad shoulders, dark hair and a perfectly chiseled face. I am pretty sure all three of us girls' jaws dropped. My friend introduced us and I had to do everything in my power to say something coherent. 

They took us up to the middle of the mountains with a couch, a TV and a generator. We watched some "scary" movie about a sand creature that tunnels underground and comes up to eat everyone in the city. The movie was lame but we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless and after it was over we torched the couch and jumped over it (oh the things Utah/Idaho kids do for entertainment). 

When we got back to my friend's house, I walked my date back to his car and thanked him for taking me out. He gave me a hug and as we pulled away, I leaned over, grabbed his face and kissed him. I looked up at his shocked face, said "Well, see you later." and walked off. I felt so good about myself. Until I tripped.
Not smooth. 

Early Memories and a Love Saga

Pre-kindergarten: memoryless. Sad, I know. But I really don't remember what I was like before age 4. From everything I have heard, I was the sweetest, cutest little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl you could imagine. I believe it.

Kindergarten: I remember sitting on the bus one time and the kid next to me asked if he could use my chapstick. I handed it over to him, he wound it all the way up, broke it off and ate it. With a smile on his face he said, "Mmm.. strawberry... my favorite!" Strawberry was my favorite too, jerk.

A Few of Life's Lessons

Throughout my years, there have been a few boys in my life. Some I have dated, some are just friends, and some are somewhere in between. Looking back, I have learned a thing or two from these guys and I thought I would share.

1. Lord of the Rings is a poor choice if it takes you the whole movie to hold a girl's hand.
2. Friend's brothers are a bad idea.
3. The first time I realized I was the prettiest, the smartest and the best.
4. Drive in movies are the best.
5. Peanut butter fights are the best way to get someone to forgive you. No one can stay mad at you after smearing a handful of peanut butter in your hair.
6. You can kiss a guy days after meeting him.
7. Even if explicitly tell a guy you aren't dating, he doesn't always believe you.
8. I am not smooth.
9. Boys can be just as girly as girls. Sometimes worse.
10. A fling is just a fling.
11. Some flings are more fun than others.
12. Canada is a lot farther than boys think.
13-15. I don't think I learned anything from these ones but it was definitely a good story.
16. There is nothing ok about a frat boy.
17.  Friend's brothers are still a bad idea.
18.  It is impossible not to love me.
19. A few minutes is not enough time for people to fall asleep.
20. No matter how cute a guy is, there is something wrong with someone who is most likely lactose intolerant and drinks copious amounts of milk and then texts you about what a poor choice that was while he is in the bathroom and you are outside waiting for him.
21. Boys do have feelings. Somewhere.
22. Even the most secretive boys can't keep a secret.
23. Don't ever get involved with someone who has no problem just climbing around the chastity wall (that is not a confession of any sort. It's a real wall that only exists at BYU).
24. It only takes a week to fall in love. Apparently.
25. Even goofy looking guys can get a surprisingly large quantity of girls
26. There is something very appealing about Twilight.
27. My blog isn't as great as I thought it was.*




*This is not true. But some boys seem to think it is.

Intern Life

Me: You have to be born a woman in order to go to Wellesley. So if you were born a woman and decided that you identified as a man then you could go. But if you were born a man and identified as a woman then you couldn't go to the all women's college. I think there is something wrong with that. Not that I totally get why you would want to switch genders in the first place but that's just me.

Fellow intern: Have you ever wanted to change genders?

Me: No. Not really.

Fellow intern: You need to go to Thailand.

Me: (quizzical look)

Fellow intern: They get gender changing surgeries all the time there.

Other fellow intern: Ya, but how good is the quality?

Fellow intern: No actually it's great! I've had quite a few surgeries done ....

(interrupted by loud snickering. He never got to finish that sentence.)

Request Por Favor

If you read my blog please follow me. It will really help my self-esteem.

Mucho gracias.

Personality Test

Take this personality test. 

Then go to this website and see how accurate it is. (You will need to scroll down to the bottom to see the list of personalities.)

Then comment and tell me what personality you are.

A hey look, a wedding...?

So my friend got married this summer in the Oakland temple. Halfway through the couple's photo shoot, we saw this lovely crowd. It was just too good to not be photographed. I had never heard of a Quinceañera before but apparently this is a pretty accurate portrait of what they look like.

My Paper!

I wrote this paper for my writing class this past semester. It was wicked fun to work on and I am really happy with how it came out. Anyway, you should read it, even though it is really long. You can either read it straight on my blog or by clicking right.............................................................................. here!

I wrote Jessie a Dear Jane!

Dear Jane,
I mean Jessie,

I just want to start by saying how much I still love and care for you. Things have been crazy here and yet so wonderful. I didn’t know how to break this to you, so I decided to write you a poem:

Tears fell as we said our good-byes I whispered my love for you would never die You gave me a final handshake and walked through that door For two long years I knew I would see you no more Lovingly I placed your picture by my bed My heart ached so much I wished I were dead For weeks tears flowed and I sighed many sighs Until a knight came to my rescue wearing a dress shirt and necktie He is an RM and Elders quorum president, what more could be better He is also the reason why I am sending you this letter
 The truth is the moment you entered the MTC I got the internet like you suggested (so that I could email you) I also saw a commercial on TV about LDSmingle.com. Well, I signed up for that too and they matched me up with Desidorio, from Budapest!

I thought it was interesting that I got matched up with someone living in the same country as your mission! We've been communicating ever since and we've fallen in love and will be getting married! We've never met in person, but we don't need to. We prayed over the phone and we felt the Spirit soooooo strong I think it would be wrong NOT to get married!

Not that I know it's the right thing to do, but he's the one I want to be with. I remember the burning spiritual revelation I received about you, but I just can't wait another year. I can't handle being alone any longer. Don't think this has anything to do with you, it doesn't. You're amazing, as always. I know one day you will find the happiness you deserve. I will always love you.

So, if anything, I wanted to THANK YOU for suggesting that I get the internet. If it wasn't for you listening to the Spirit to tell me that, then I would have never met Desidorio! You truly are a great friend!

He was just returning from his mission in England. Occassionally, my mind would drift to you, but I figured that you were having fun with your companion and I needed some fun too. You need to concentrate on your mission so I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I will always treasure the moments we spent together, and I know we will have many more of those moments in the future, considering that Desidorio is actually your long lost brother! Yeah, isn't it crazy! We had wanted you to come to the wedding, but we decided we couldn't wait that long. I know you waited for me on my mission and I promised to wait for you, but I know God had something better in mind for both of us. But we're thinking that we might name our first daughter after you. That would be nice, wouldn't it? I hope we can still be really good friends, otherwise Desidorio would feel bad.

Anyways, have a great day!
Love always and forever,
Maryn

i gotz skillz

I was moving into my new apartment today and I did this. All by myself. There was easily only 10 inches in between me and the other cars. And who says Idaho girls can't park?

The Birds and the Bees

I got sick today :( and had to go to health services. I was feeling nauseous, dizzy, lightheaded and had lower abdominal problems. Seeing as how Wellesley Health Services had asked Kristal if she was pregnant when she came in with an eye problem, that question was inevitable. Sure enough (though surprisingly much later in the questions than I had anticipated) she asks, "Are yo currently sexually active? Have you ever been sexually active?" I answered no to both questions and she gave me a look that clearly said she had a hard time believing me. She left me alone and ran off to do some tests to try and figure out what could possibly have been ailing me other than an unborn child.

She came back about 20 minutes later and told me a few things it for sure wasn't. Then she listed of a few things that she thought it might be but wouldn't know for a while. Then she casually said, "Oh and we ran a pregnancy test, just in case and it was negative." Surprise!? I must have given her a look cause she quickly went on "It's not that I didn't believe you... It's just that if we sent you to a specialist and something came up (like what? a baby?!) they would come back to us and ask why we didn't do a pregnancy test. So this is just to make sure we covered everything. But it's not that we didn't believe you!"

Right lady... good thing you checked because I was definitely worried. Looks like someone needs the birds and the bees lesson more than I do.

Classy

This was an old boyfriend and I's song. When I was 14. Apparently I have always been weird.

Multitasking - Fail

I was texting and walking and I tripped.

Called to Serve...

So the other day I got a missed call from an 801-number. I wondered who would be calling me from Utah but I didn't think it was too odd since I know a quite a few people from Utah. I forgot about it until the next day when they called me again while I was in the shower. I called the number back and a woman answered, "Church Headquarters." I was definitely taken aback. I told her I had a missed call from this number and she said there was nothing she could do about it because there were 8000 people there that used that same number. I hung up the phone and of course my mind raced through all of the possible reasons Church HQ would be calling me. The only thing I could think of was someone had gotten a hold of an email I had sent out about my paper I am writing or it had something to do with Institute. Neither of those really made sense but that is as creative as I got. Then I told Kristal about it. She said I was probably going to be called to be the next General Young Woman's President. We got a pretty good laugh about that one.

So the next few days I continued to wonder what they could possibly want and why they weren't calling back or leaving a message. Then, late one night while I was studying nasty calculus, my phone rang. I looked at the number and - yes! - it was them! I was excited to finally solve the mystery but also nervous to see what it was. A nice man said hello and introduced himself as Brother Miller with the Mission Department (actually, I'm pretty sure he said his first name but I don't remember and it wasn't called the Mission department but it was the department that had to do with missions so that is close enough I figure.) My heart raced. We had been talking about how they used to just ask people to serve missions back in the old days and all I could think was, "do they still do that? do I have to say yes? how could I possible say no to that? wait, I'm pretty sure they don't do that anymore? maybe I just wasn't paying attention during that part? oh crap..." and then he said, (something like) "We are trying to finish your brother's papers and we were wondering what his current address is?"

Lame.

Public Bathroom Stalls

Whenever I walk into a public bathroom I always have the same thought process. My first thought is to head for the stall furthest from the door because I assume most people will use the one closest to the door. But then I always think to myself, but what if everyone has the same logic as me? Then I should use the first one. Which is immediately followed by, well, if they all think that then they would all go to the first one. So then I don't want to go into the first one. And I am always momentarily at a loss. It happens every time.

Daily Conversations

Kristal: We are all being so studious!

Kelsey: Except Maryn, she is blogging.

Me: Hey! Blogging is the most important thing a Mormon can do!

Kelsey: Except for having babies.

Sarcasm

Every time I tried to use the excuse, "but mom, I was being sarcastic!" she would always tell me that the root of sarcasm meant "the stripping of the flesh" and whenever I was sarcastic I might as well be doing that to a person because of the emotional harm that I was causing them. My friend recently accused my of being sarcastic and I was reminded of this and I decided to Google it to see if my mom had just made it up to make me feel bad. Turns out she is right.

Latin root of sarcasm - sarco. Means tearing of the flesh. Dang it.

"Jesus Songs"

We played Catch Phrase last night at FHE. Somebody said "What's another word for hymns?" Of course the obvious answer was... "Jesus Songs!" I actually don't remember what the real word was because I was laughing so hard. Thank you Dan Blake.

A Pair of Jeans

Now here is revealing question... How many pairs of jeans can you buy with $50?

Danielle came in today rather perturbed about having to pay a $50 copay. We were discussing this and then she said she will just have to pay it which sucks because $50 is a lot of money, it's like half a pair of jeans. I then said, "eh, it's more like a whole pair of jeans." Kelsey then said it was hopefully two pairs and Kristal said it was at least three pair. See? Good question.