ENFJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. To some extent, the ENFJ defines themself by the closeness and authenticity of their personal relationships, and are therefore highly invested in the business of relationships. They have very good people skills, and are affectionate and considerate. They are warmly affirming and nurturing. The excel at bringing out the best in others, and warmly supporting them. They want responding affirmation from their relationships, although they have a problem asking for it. When a situation calls for it, the ENFJ will become very sharp and critical. After having made their point, they will return to their natural, warm selves. They may have a tendency to "smother" their loved ones, but are generally highly valued for their genuine warmth and caring natures.
ENFJs Strengths
- Good verbal communication skills
- Very perceptive about people's thoughts and motives
- Motivational, inspirational; bring out the best in others
- Warmly affectionate and affirming
- Fun to be with - lively sense of humor, dramatic, energetic, optimistic
- Good money skills
- Able to "move on" after a love relationship has failed (although they blame themselves)
- Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
- Strive for "win-win" situations
- Driven to meet other's needs
- Making others feel valued and important
- Quickly seeing the positive and negative aspects of a human situation
- Expressing their feelings clearly
- Offering loyalty and commitment to partners, family and work mates
- Trying to always find the solution which works for everyone
- Encouraging humour and self expression in others
- Finding ways to help others fulfil their needs
- Affirming positive community values
- Naturally falling into leadership roles in their community
ENFJs Weaknesses
- Tendency to be smothering and over-protective
- Tendency to be controling and/or manipulative
- Don't pay enough attention to their own needs
- Tend to be critical of opinions and attitudes which don't match their own
- Sometimes unaware of social appropriateness or protocol
- Extremely sensitive to conflict, with a tendency to sweep things under the rug as an avoidance tactic
- Tendency to blame themselves when things go wrong, and not give themselves credit when things go right
- Their sharply defined value systems make them unbending in some areas
- They may be so attuned to what is socially accepted or expected that they're unable to assess whether something is "right" or "wrong" outside of what their social circle expects.
What is success for ENFJs?
ENFJs are motivated by external human situations, primarily by other people; their talents, their needs, their aspirations and their cares forming the world in which an ENFJ lives. They thrive when able to “make things right” for others, to enable and empower their co-workers, friends and family through valuing their human strengths and abilities. When gifted with the added ENFJ ability to intuitively adapt their feelings to the way they are affected by others, the ENFJ has a positive drive to find co-operative pathways leading to the best possible outcome for all, including themselves. Success for an ENFJ comes through involvement in the process of making things happen for people; through the accomplishments and satisfactions of those they have helped to enrich the human world with greater value, and through finding that their efforts on behalf of others have fulfilled their own life as well.
ENFJs as Friends
ENFJs are warm, sociable people who are keenly in tune with other people's feelings and perspectives. They enjoy supporting and bringing out the best in others. They are energetic and fun to be with. They seek authenticity in their close relationships, and are very sensitive to the needs of others. All of these characteristics make the ENFJ valued by their peers as a warm, supportive and giving friend.
ENFJs are interested in all sorts of people, and are likely to be able to understand and relate to all of the personality types. The will excel at getting along with all sorts of people when the situation demands that they do so. However, they will not choose to spend their personal time around all of the types. They may resist spending a lot of time with Sensing Perceiving types, whose carefree "live for the moment" attitude may conflict with the ENFJ's strongly held value system. When seeking companionship that is not romantic, ENFJs will be drawn to other Feelers who have similar values and ideas. Since they live in a people-oriented world, they are not comfortable with objective judgments which do not consider people issues. Consequently, ENFJs are not likely to have close friendships with strong Thinking types. They will be likely to especially enjoy the company of other iNtuitive Feelers, as well as Sensing Judgers.
Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve ENFJ Success
1. Feed Your Strengths! Make sure you have opportunities to involve yourself with others in situations where your input is valued.
2. Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. By facing your weaknesses, you can overcome them and they will have less power over you.
3. Express Your Feelings. Understand that your feelings are as important as others are in the overall situation. Without your feelings and needs being valued the best result is not realised, so value and speak to your own feelings as much as you value those of others.
4. Make Decisions. Don't be afraid to have an opinion. You need to know show others the qualities and potentials you can see are worthy of action.
5. Smile at Criticism. Try to see why disagreement and discord indicate the differences between people, and use this as an opportunity to make your value judgements useful for growth, because that's exactly what they are. Try not to feel responsible for another’s criticism, but try to hear it and understand the feelings and images it engenders within you. Then you may see a path not only to agreement but to a shared and truly valuable end.
6. Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Most of your problems with other people are easier to deal with if you try to understand the other person's perspective.
7. Be Aware of Yourself. Don't stint your own needs for the sake of others too much. Realise you are an important focus. If you do not fulfil your own needs, how will continue to be effective and how will others know you are true to your beliefs?
8. Be Gentle in Your Expectations. It is easy for you to see the value in others, but stressing this too much can drive them away. Try to show that you understand their fears and limitations and lead them gently to see how you feel: lead them gently into understanding and love.
9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by feeling that your values are lost upon others – they are not. Perhaps it just has to sit with them too. Let the situation resolve itself and never stop believing that love is the true answer.
10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.
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For your own personality, see this blog post for instructions.
