That explains it

Me: today a girl in class said the only reason that boys are generally bigger than girls is because of social constructs. 

Friend: oh, so that must be why women have babies.

Me: ya, men probably got sick of doing it and threw childbearing in with the rest of the "oppress women" package. 


Sisterly Advice

My sister and I are four years apart and were never really that close growing up. In fact, we pretty much fought for the first 19 years of my life. I knew we were breaking ground when one day she asked me how to kiss a boy.

I told her, "You lean in really slow, close your eyes, open your mouth real wide and stick out your tongue and wiggle it back and forth like this."

I probably ruined what could have been a very tender moment.

Wouldn't you?

I spent most of last summer sitting by the side of a small, jelly-bean shaped pool in Utah with my best friend. One day we showed up and there was a bright red, child-sized kayak sitting on the edge of the pool. It was probably meant for a five year old. So of course my friend picks it up, climbs in and paddles around the entire length of the 20 ft. pool, singing, "I look once more. Just around the riverbend! Beyond the shore....."

She knew the whole song.


Problem Solving

A friend came to me with a problem. My problem solving skills aren't as good as his.

Me: No don't worry about it. Unless all the girls you know fall in love with you. Then you have a lot more than that to worry about.

Friend: Yeah, it's not high on my list of things to worry about

Me: Don't sell yourself so short, you ladies man you.

Friend: It comes in on the list right after, "what do i do if i come home and there's a zebra in my room?"
This is a valid concern
There is a finite probability of this occurring.

Me: So what are you going to do if there is a zebra in your room?

Friend: Gently close the door and walk away.
Which will be what i do if lots of girls fall in love with me
It happens to be the solution to many of my problems.