Unappreciated Slip of the Tongue

When I was in high school, I had a particularly boring seminary teacher. Nice guy, but super boring. It was not uncommon to see notebook doodling, under the desk texting, heads nodding or even full out napping. One especially boring day, our teacher got off on a tangent about school sports. His kids went to a different high school than the one we went to and apparently his favorite thing to do at sports games was to cheer for both teams. He said "it really drives my nuts crazy when I do that. I mean... it really drives my kids nuts!" Without skipping a beat he continued on with his lesson. I had to literally cover my mouth so I wouldn't laugh out loud and I looked around to see if anyone else was struggling as much as I was. All I saw was the same old doodling, nodding and napping. No one else in the entire room even noticed. Except my best friend sitting across the room, who was practically peeing her pants with stifled laughter. And that is why we are best friends.

Taboo

We were playing the game Taboo and for those who aren't familiar with the game, you choose a word and try to get your team to guess it. However, there are a list of words you can't use. For instance, if you if you draw the word "sandwich" you probably can't say "bread" or "lunch" My friend gets the word "windshield." What he meant to say next was, "I have a huge crack in my car's...." but what came out was "Ooh, Ooh, I have a huge crack!"

Twitterpated

Me: Oh, she is so twitterpated.

Friend: What does that mean? Is it when you can't Tweet?

Motivational

Earlier this week a few friends and I volunteered at Cradles to Crayons. One of our tasks was to unload the truck full of donations ranging from toys to clothes to baby safety tools. What surprised me most was the ridiculous amount of potty-training toy toilets that were donated. We unloaded toilet after toilet into the bins. I accidentally dropped one and when it hit the ground I heard it say, "Good job!" I turned to my friend and said, "did you hear that? It just said Good job!' It's an encouraging toilet. I wonder what else it says. 'Well done'.... 'Way to go slugger'.... 'Better luck next time.'"

The Secret Garden

Some friends and I were at my house playing a board game. At one point, we had a few moments of awkward silence. In an effort to fill the conversation gap, one of my friends started looking around my kitchen and noticed an old set of giant, brass keys that my mom got from a thrift store years ago. Excited to break the silence, he asked me, "Hey, Maryn, are those the keys to your secret garden?" There was the slightest moment of hesitation and then uncontrollable giggling erupted from my mom and dad quickly followed by the rest of us. 

Judge Not That Ye Not Be Judged.

As I was babysitting my two boys, they started watching a documentary on Bigfoot sightings. I watched it with them for a few minutes and couldn't help but notice the number of hicks and uneducated people that were on this show, convinced that they had seen Bigfoot and his family. Rolling my eyes, I went into the kitchen to make dinner. A few minutes later, one of my boys calls out and asks me what part of Idaho I was from. I answered and then heard a loud gasp! and then he came running into the kitchen exclaiming, "Maryn! They saw Bigfoot in your hometown!"

Happy April Fool's Day

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for about three weeks. We just recently starting telling people we were together which is why we thought it would be funny to get engaged on Facebook for April Fool's. I didn't think that we would really fool anyone other than anyone who we hadn't really seen us in a few years and didn't know better. Little did I know how serious Facebook relationship statuses actually are.

The best reaction was my father. Seven minutes after we posted it, I got a phone call from him. The first words out of his mouth were, "Are you engaged?" I could tell he was in no mood to be toyed with so I just said, "Happy April Fool's!" He must have been about to release a wave of anger and fury because he paused for a minute and then said, "Oh.... Oh. Oh that is pretty funny Maryn. Wow, you definitely got me. I'm not even going to tell you what I was saying to your mother."

When I asked him how he had found out, he said that two different girls from our church had texted him and asked him if I was engaged. He said no and asked why they thought that. They said it was on FB and so my sister went online to check and sure enough - that is what it said. That is when the yelling began.

Here are some of my other favorite comments:

‎?wow i didn't even get a text or a phone call....... :(

You are messing with people's minds because for all we know, you and Nate are one of those crazy couples who would get engaged after like 2 weeks of dating. But I still don't believe you.

And my personal favorite:

It's about time!

Busted

Standing around in church, I looked over and saw one of my friends with his phone out, texting someone. I walked up to him and said, "Oooooo, who are you texting? Your secret girlfriend?"

He suddenly freaked out and said, "How does everybody know about that??" and then realized I had been kidding. Too late.

"Taken"

I was recently in Puerto Rico and my flight to Miami got canceled. As I was waiting to reschedule my flight, I texted my sister and told her I may be stuck in Puerto Rico. She responded;

"Mom told me to tell you she wants you to stay close to people, like an old couple so you dont get trafficed."

Subtle

One of my friends got a package from a girl. In the package was a burned CD, chapstick, and gum. The CD had song titles that were along the lines of "I want to spend eternity with you" and "I need you" etc etc. Subtle right? In the middle if his story, someone knocked on the door and interrupted him. After they had left, he said, "What were we talking about? Oh ya, my awkward package."

Youtube is Real Life

One of the women in my church has a really cute baby boy named Charlie. I have a friend who absolutely loves him and during church went over and picked took him from his mom and held him for a while. I was talking to the mom afterwards lauhing about how baby hungry our friend is when she said that it was probably a good thing he took him when he did because the baby had just bit her finger and she was really frustrated with him because it really hurt. Just then her husband had walked by and said, "Ouch, Charlie bit your finger? And did it really hurt?"

Is that what you had said?

The other day my old roommate and her fiancé and I were talking about how I have a tendency to not stay very single for very long. Then she said, "Ya, but I would be really better if I didn't have a boyfriend." Her fiancé and I looked at each other and then I said, "Wait.. What?!" and again she repeated, looking somewhat confused, "I would be better if I didn't have a boyfriend." We were both still really confused by what she meant and her fiancé was starting to look quite perplexed. She said, "You guys, I know I said it right. Why are you so confused? I would be so BITTER if I wasn't engaged right now." Oooooh, so that is what she meant.

I Never Learn

I handed my two boys their bowls of ice cream and started to put it away. One of them asked me why I wasn't going to eat any and I told him that I wasn't eating sugar for the rest of the school year. He of course asked why and I told him that I wanted to get skinnier, knowing full well that he, being the sweetheart that he is, would tell me that's not true. Sure enough, he replied, "But you already are skinny... Kinda."

Spiritual Fail

In a moment of spiritual enthusiasm, I changed the background of my iPod to a beautiful picture of Christ overlooking Jerusalem. Later that evening, my friend asked to see my iPod and looked confused when I gave it to her. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Nothing. It's just your background doesn't seem very you."

I go to church with her every week and am the President of our religious org on campus.

Last Word

My friends and I were playing Last Word, which is a game in which you get a subject and a letter and then everyone has to say as many words as they can that start with the letter and have to do with the subject. The last person to say a word before the buzzer goes off wins.

The subject was "Things that are flat" and the letter was "E". My friend was basically just saying any word that he could think of that started with 'E' and had run out or words until he frantically yelled, "Eunuch!" and then immediately tried to take it back. He won. We were laughing to hard to say any more words.

Today I received this text message:

'I was just minding my own business studying on campus. I thought you might find this funny like I did. So there is a couple next to me, who is arguing about when he got her pregnant.'

Cowabunga!

I was walking down the street and I saw a mom pulling on her little boy who was staring down a grate yelling, "Michaelangelo?! Raphael?! Donatello?!  Leonardo!?.... Where are you?"

Next time we're going to McDonald's

Last night my friends and I had a late night craving for some Wendy's. We got there a little after 10:00, just as the restaurant was closing. Thankfully, Wendy's drive-thru is open til 1:00. We pulled around and then realized that there were five us paying seperately. I asked the guy if we could make separate orders and he informed us that no, we could not. If we wanted to make separate orders we would have to drive through the drive-thru again. So we did. Five times. Thanks Wendy's.

I need to learn to read

I got a B&N Nook for Christmas and I absolutely love it. Being the poor college student that I am, the first thing I downloaded was the Complete Works of Jane Austen - because it was only $.99 for seven books. I read Pride and Prejudice, fell in love with it and downloaded the complete works of Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde, the Bronte family, and Shakespeare - all totaling less than $10. Feeling very cultured, I tried to download another collection of 50 classics, but it wouldn't let me for some reason. I checked the memory and it said '4.97 GB of 5.00 GB.' I was very distraught. This thing was supposed to hold about 6000 books and I only had about 200. So I took it into Barnes and Noble and explained the situation. The lady at the help desk said that was very odd and she didn't know how to answer it so she called an information line and gave the phone to me. The guy asked me for the Nook's information and then asked me to read him exactly what it said about how much free space I had. I clicked on it again and read, '4.97 GB free of 5.00 GB.'  Oops. Hadn't seen that free word before. The nice guy kindly told me, without mentioning my mistake, that if I actually am out of memory that I just need to archive a book which will free up space. After hanging up, I tried to download the 50 Classics collection - totaling over 12,000 pages. It worked just fine and when I checked the memory it said, '4.95 GB free of 5.00 GB.' Doesn't look like I will be running out of memory anytime soon.

Oh, that kind of different.

Out of nowhere, today one of the boys I babysit told me that I look different than every other girl in the world and that he could pick me out of a crowd of 500. Flattered, I asked him why he thought that. He said, "Because you have a big nose." Shouldn't have asked.

Intelligent Social Networking

You have to love Facebook's ingenuity. We have all seen the fun ads along the sidebar that pull information from our profile in an attempt to send us ads that will be most relevent. After changing my relationship status to "In a Relationship" these are the ads that FB thought I would find most helpful:

How to Entertain Kids Who Don't Know Better

I was trying to figure out how long the State of the Union Address was going to be but was watching two boys and couldn't get online. So I, being resourceful, texted Chacha and asked it. Unfortnately Chaha didn't understand my question so I wasn't able to find out. But one of my boys asked me what I was doing and I told him that my phone was magic and knows everything so I was asking it a question. The older boy said, "Ooo, aak it if Will likes you!" (Will is a cute boy I told them I liked) I did and Chacha responded with "If Will makes eye contact, smiles, starts conversations & flirts with you then he is definitle interested!" The boys thought that was pretty funny so they told me to ask it what their favorite ice cream is. I knew Chacha probably wouldn't know so instead I sent myself a text that said "Oreo with chocolate sprinkles." and handed the phone to the one that could read moments before a text arrived that said "Oreos with chocolate sprinkles." We spent the better part of the next half hour asking my magic phone questions. They think I am so cool.

Only in Idaho

would you ever hear someone say;

"Of course I have a concealed weapon license. You never know when someone just needs to be shot."

LOTR - Longest Movie Ever

I will always remember the first time a boy held my hand. I was 14 and a bunch of us went to go see the first Lord of the Rings, including my "boyfriend." We sat next to each other and the butterflies were just swirling. Somehow, one of us had made sure that the arm rest was up so there was nothing in between us. Despite this, we still sat as far from each other as possible because clearly we didn't want the other person to know we liked them - that would just ruin everything. Sometime during the first quarter of the movie I moved my hand to my leg. After about ten minutes I noticed he had done the same thing. By the time the first third of the movie was over, our pinkies were only an inch apart. I was totally elated. I had never been this close to a boy's hand before. About halfway through the movie, our pinkies made contact! That was such a bold move, we had to stay there for a while to calm our beating hearts and make sure that the other person wasn't going to suddenly change their minds and retract their pinky. Throughout the rest of the movie, his hand slowly inched over mine and just as Samwise was giving his motivational speech of encouragement to Mr. Frodo. . . he officially held my hand. Fireworks went off, bells rang, all manner of fourteen year old happiness went on. Two minutes later Frodo and Sam ventured off into the distance, he let go of my hand and we stood up and walked out of the theater.

I don't think I have to remind you how long LOTR is.

(178 minutes)