Ouch

I recently submitted applications to law schools and one of my friends had a sister who went to one of the schools I applied to. Apparently, not all of the men there are aware of the whole "men and women being created equal" thing. One particularly lovely young man told my friend's sister that by her being there "she was taking a man's place." Fortunately, most of the men aren't like that hopefully I won't run into any of those. But if I do, I will just smile sweetly and say, "Darn right I did. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a sandwich for someone who actually appreciates an intelligent woman."
When I told another friend about this story, he suggested that I just date the guy. I looked at him confused and he clarified: "I've seen what you do to the guys you date. He would deserve it."

Sorry siblings

When I was in 7th grade, my math teacher's name was Mrs. Haddix. She was a fine enough teacher but her one vice was that she was obsessed, literally obsessed, with Alaska. She had lived there for a few years and was suddenly the resident expert on Alaska. Every day, she would somehow incorporate something about Alaska into the lesson. When we were learning about the volume of cylinders, she went into a lengthy discussion of the containers that they used in Alaska to collect the rain from the roof because they didn't have enough water otherwise. In fact, things were so bad they only showered for a few minutes and never took a bath. And the saying in their house in regards to the toilet was 'If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down" and so and and so forth through out the entire class. Whenever my friends and I would get bored we would count how many times she said the word Alaska. I remember the record being well over 100.

Flash forward three years.. I'm in my sophomore speech class. Our first speech of the semester was supposed to be on our pet peeves. I decided to write mine on teachers who had annoying habits. I talked about three or four teachers including Mrs. Haddix (I don't remember exactly who else I talked about or why but I think one of them was teachers who were pregnant. I just remember saying something about how if you are in high school you just shouldn't be pregnant, whether you are a teacher or a student.) I went into a lengthy discussion of Mrs. Haddix fetish with Alaska and all the stories that she would tell and how unrelated to math most of them were.

Throughout my speech, my teacher was laughing almost uncontrollably. I couldn't understand, I mean, I am funny but not that funny. In fact, I didn't even think this speech was that good at all since I had written it the night before. I finished my speech and looked up. Most of the students looked mildly entertained, my teacher was wiping away tears and surprisingly, a few students looked horrified. Confused, I began to sit down just as my teacher said, "You know Mrs. Haddix is my mom, right?" Apparently it was common knowledge that someone had forgotten to tell me.

The good news for me was my teacher hated Alaska as much as we did.

The bad news for my younger siblings is they all had Mrs. Haddix.

Sunday School

I recently got surgery on my nose (deviated septum + two extra sinuses... ouch) and so I have a nice, white bandage stretched across my face.

Today in church a bunch of us who were home from college were ditching Sunday School to catch up (not condoning, just reporting) and a member of the Bishopric came up and asked us why weren't in Sunday School. One of my friends turned to him and said, "We are in Sunday School. This is our class." The Bishopric member asked, "and where is your teacher?" another girl replied, "You can be our teacher." The Bishopric member looked at me and said, "Ok, let me tell you about the horrors of cocaine. And what it can do to your nose."

Cheeky

One time in my pre-calc class in high school we had a substitute teacher who was incredibly pompous. He wasn't even teaching us, he just kept talking while we were trying to do our assignment and explaining how he had taken as much math as possible and the only people that took more math than him were the ones that were just theorizing about math. He was going off about how math is so fascinating because with each new level you learn that you can actually do something that your previous teachers had always told you that you couldn't do. For instance when you are learning how to do subtraction and your teacher always said that you can't subtract a larger number from a smaller number. But then later you find out that you actually can subtract larger numbers from smaller numbers. Or how when you first learn square roots, you are taught that you can't take the square root of a negative number and later on come to find out you actually can. However, our substitute told us, no matter what level you get to, you will never be able to divide by zero.

I turned to him and said, "Maybe you just haven't got to that level yet."

Riddle me this

I love riddles. They are frustrating beyond belief but the feeling once you finally get the answer is surreal. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my same enthusiasm. I recently heard a really good one that I thought was quite clever. Me, being the ENFJ that I am, immediately told all my friends it. Turns out telling a riddle to someone who not only doesn't care but hates riddles is more frustrating than not even getting them. Here is how the experience went down.

Me: Ok, so there is an Island with 100 people who all think and act completely logically but none of them can communicate with each other in anyway. The King of the Island, however, can talk and has decided that everyone with blue eyes needs to leave the island. So as soon as anyone figures out they have blue eyes they need to get on the boat and leave. The boat leaves once a day every day. There is at least one person who has blue eyes and everyone knows that. They will not leave until they are absolutely sure they have blue eyes. So the question is, if there are 50 people with blue eyes, how many days does it take to for them to discover they have blue eyes and leave?

Friend 1: that's easy. The King just tells them they have blues and they leave. BAM. Got it.

Me: No, the King just told them about the law and then left them alone. They have to figure it out for themselves.

Friend 2: Oh, well then everyone else just tells everyone who has blue eyes that they have blue eyes and then they leave.

Me: No! They can't talk to each other.

Friend 1: That's stupid. Why can't they talk to each other?

Me: Because it's part of the riddle! They just can't. Ok, look at it this way, if you and me were the only two people with blue eyes how would we both know to get on the boat?

Friend 2: Oh that's easy. I would just walk on to the boat and you would follow me because you are in love with me.

Oh, ridiculous.