Unappreciated Slip of the Tongue

When I was in high school, I had a particularly boring seminary teacher. Nice guy, but super boring. It was not uncommon to see notebook doodling, under the desk texting, heads nodding or even full out napping. One especially boring day, our teacher got off on a tangent about school sports. His kids went to a different high school than the one we went to and apparently his favorite thing to do at sports games was to cheer for both teams. He said "it really drives my nuts crazy when I do that. I mean... it really drives my kids nuts!" Without skipping a beat he continued on with his lesson. I had to literally cover my mouth so I wouldn't laugh out loud and I looked around to see if anyone else was struggling as much as I was. All I saw was the same old doodling, nodding and napping. No one else in the entire room even noticed. Except my best friend sitting across the room, who was practically peeing her pants with stifled laughter. And that is why we are best friends.

Taboo

We were playing the game Taboo and for those who aren't familiar with the game, you choose a word and try to get your team to guess it. However, there are a list of words you can't use. For instance, if you if you draw the word "sandwich" you probably can't say "bread" or "lunch" My friend gets the word "windshield." What he meant to say next was, "I have a huge crack in my car's...." but what came out was "Ooh, Ooh, I have a huge crack!"

Twitterpated

Me: Oh, she is so twitterpated.

Friend: What does that mean? Is it when you can't Tweet?

Motivational

Earlier this week a few friends and I volunteered at Cradles to Crayons. One of our tasks was to unload the truck full of donations ranging from toys to clothes to baby safety tools. What surprised me most was the ridiculous amount of potty-training toy toilets that were donated. We unloaded toilet after toilet into the bins. I accidentally dropped one and when it hit the ground I heard it say, "Good job!" I turned to my friend and said, "did you hear that? It just said Good job!' It's an encouraging toilet. I wonder what else it says. 'Well done'.... 'Way to go slugger'.... 'Better luck next time.'"

The Secret Garden

Some friends and I were at my house playing a board game. At one point, we had a few moments of awkward silence. In an effort to fill the conversation gap, one of my friends started looking around my kitchen and noticed an old set of giant, brass keys that my mom got from a thrift store years ago. Excited to break the silence, he asked me, "Hey, Maryn, are those the keys to your secret garden?" There was the slightest moment of hesitation and then uncontrollable giggling erupted from my mom and dad quickly followed by the rest of us. 

Judge Not That Ye Not Be Judged.

As I was babysitting my two boys, they started watching a documentary on Bigfoot sightings. I watched it with them for a few minutes and couldn't help but notice the number of hicks and uneducated people that were on this show, convinced that they had seen Bigfoot and his family. Rolling my eyes, I went into the kitchen to make dinner. A few minutes later, one of my boys calls out and asks me what part of Idaho I was from. I answered and then heard a loud gasp! and then he came running into the kitchen exclaiming, "Maryn! They saw Bigfoot in your hometown!"

Happy April Fool's Day

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for about three weeks. We just recently starting telling people we were together which is why we thought it would be funny to get engaged on Facebook for April Fool's. I didn't think that we would really fool anyone other than anyone who we hadn't really seen us in a few years and didn't know better. Little did I know how serious Facebook relationship statuses actually are.

The best reaction was my father. Seven minutes after we posted it, I got a phone call from him. The first words out of his mouth were, "Are you engaged?" I could tell he was in no mood to be toyed with so I just said, "Happy April Fool's!" He must have been about to release a wave of anger and fury because he paused for a minute and then said, "Oh.... Oh. Oh that is pretty funny Maryn. Wow, you definitely got me. I'm not even going to tell you what I was saying to your mother."

When I asked him how he had found out, he said that two different girls from our church had texted him and asked him if I was engaged. He said no and asked why they thought that. They said it was on FB and so my sister went online to check and sure enough - that is what it said. That is when the yelling began.

Here are some of my other favorite comments:

‎?wow i didn't even get a text or a phone call....... :(

You are messing with people's minds because for all we know, you and Nate are one of those crazy couples who would get engaged after like 2 weeks of dating. But I still don't believe you.

And my personal favorite:

It's about time!